Our child or student scores 86% on a test. 

Our response:

“If you had studied a harder, you would have done so much better.”

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Our child waits until Sunday evening to begin and complete a project in a hurried manner, later receiving a “B.” 

Our response:

“If you would have started sooner, you would have done so much better.”

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Our student turns in an assignment, well done but missing a few key points that bring down the grade a little. 

Our response:

“If you would have paid better attention to your work, you would have done so much better.”

 What if we responded instead:

About the 86% test score:

“I know you studied so hard, I’m sure next time that you’ll do even better.”

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About the “B” project done hurriedly on Sunday evening:

“You got a late start on this one but you worked so hard, I know you’ll begin sooner next time.”

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About the assignment turned in, but missing key points:

“I know that you were listening.  Now that you know what to do, I’m sure you’ll do better next time.

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With information from report cards and standardized test scores, it’s difficult for good parents and good teachers not to judge the progress of their children and students strictly on a performance basis.  We wonder if all they may achieve is being achieved.

Pushing a child or student to short-term success can cause change, but is usually not lasting.  We can “make” our children and students do better out of fear, use of rewards, guilt, etc.  But, forced performance does not endure without the continuation of the strong measures that brought them about in the first place. 

We forget that growth rarely happens in leaps, but, instead in small, incremental steps, and on an irregular basis.

 We accept incremental improvement in other areas of life; but because we love our children and know how vital development during these crucial years is to their success, both parents and teachers may lose patience in waiting for that progress to occur. 

 A Better Strategy

Growth may not happen during the most important times in a child’s life.  But if we all properly assist in the development of a solid, moral foundation where the values of kindness and hard work are held up to them on a consistent basis, the long-term goal of both parents and teachers will be met. 

Always hold the core values up to your child or student that you know they must acquire to achieve personal and academic growth.  Regardless of a minor failing, academic or personal, always anticipate future success for the child or student that you know will be reached in the future.

The progress may be slow, but the proper values will become ingrained and be an important part of their character.

 How many of us achieved all we could, and when we should have?  The foundations we help children with are best formed with a continual, kind message that instills the value of steady, best effort.  With continual encouragement, our children and students will grow and become the kind, successful adults we know they can be. 

Why would we risk approaching our child or student any other way?